Hello my beautiful readers! Man, it’s been quite a while since I’ve written anything, but what can I say, writer’s block is not a myth!
I recently got my hair cut because let’s face it, my hair was far from healthy, frayed at the ends and splitting in all directions. I told my hairdresser to cut it just below my collar bone, and in the end, the cut was everything I asked for.
I pulled up Facetime on my computer the next morning, eager to connect with one of my dear friends. My reflection popped up, and my heart sank. To my disbelief, my new haircut wasn’t as flattering as it looked the day before. My round face is one of my biggest insecurities and my longer hair was the perfect mask to cover the sides of my face, making it look thinner than it was. But my shorter hairdo displayed my round face in all of its circular glory.
Negative thoughts pelted me from all directions. Is that really me? Do I really look that fat? Does my face look that childish?
A wave of shame overcame me. Here I was, ready to call one of my friends who I hadn’t seen in weeks, and I was more concerned with my looks than reconnecting with her. Willing myself to change my dreary attitude, I clicked the button to call her and she popped up on my screen seconds later.
She was breath-taking. Her fresh face, free of makeup glowed and radiated joy.
I glanced back at myself on the screen, pimply faced and fat. I would have given anything to look as stunning as her.
Her eyes lit up at the sight of me. “Kirsten, you look beautiful!”
I heard this voice within me snicker at her kind comment. Yeah right. She’s just saying that to make you feel better. She’s your friend, she’s not going to say that you’re an ugly fatty.
A few hours after my Facetime date, I met up with my sister and mom for lunch. My food was tasteless not because the chef was having an off day but because I couldn’t stop thinking how undesirable I looked compared to my mom and sister. Mom knew one of the servers who came up and talked to us. After he awkwardly stumbled away, Mom exclaimed, “No wonder, he’s talking to two beautiful young girls.”
“Yeah right,” I muttered under my breath. No doubt Faith fit into that category of “beautiful”, but not me.
After dragging through the rest of the day, I forced myself go to confession in an attempt to regain my confidence.
I wrung my sweaty hands in my lap, the priest sitting across from me. I expelled my sin with a sigh, “I don’t love myself the way I should. I think horrible thoughts about myself.” He looked up for the first time, a sad and concerned expression on his face. “I don’t think that I’m beautiful. I really resent my sister and friends because they’re beautiful and I wish I looked like them.” I added a laugh at the end to make my situation seem lighthearted, to make it seem as if my feelings weren’t tearing me up inside.
“Have you talked to God about this?”
“And what does He say?”
I don’t even have to think about the answer. “That I’m telling myself lies. That I am beautiful.”
“How does that make you feel? When He calls you beautiful?”
“Awesome.” I couldn’t help but smile, genuinely this time, tears prickling at the corners of my eyes. The priest had responded so simply, but that was the beauty of it. His questions were to-the-point because my beauty and worth wasn’t up for debate.
It’s crazy how much good a simple reminder can do in our lives. Just as that priest reminded me that day, I’m here to remind you right now. You are beautiful. You know it in your heart that you’re beautiful. You are beautiful because the Creator of the Universe says that you are. God looks at you with so much joy, with eyes saturated with love. It’s about time we start looking at ourselves the way God sees us.
That other day when I was so depressed and when I couldn’t see my true beauty, I extinguished the light that was burning inside of me. We don’t realize it but our confidence or lack thereof has such a big effect on the way we carry ourselves. That day, I was far from being myself and I felt like I was seeing in black and white. But after being reminded of my identity, I could see in color again. God’s light shines brighter in us when we recognize that the way He made us is marvelous, it’s divine, it’s beautiful.
Not only was I extinguishing my light, but I was completely shutting out God’s voice. Now as I look back, I can see the seeds He planted that day, reminding me of my worth. He was speaking through my friend who told me I was beautiful, speaking through my mom who pointed out my worth, and through my sister who questioned my confidence. I was so caught up in despair that I failed to hear God’s whispering comfort.
I know there will be other times when I’m drowning in lies the devil is telling me and when I’m comparing myself constantly, and I’m sure there will be other times you’re feeling less-than-perfect as well. Please, future you, future me, wake up! Be attentive to hearing His voice. Run to Him, because unlike the devil, God speaks truth into our hearts.
It’s simple. You are beautiful. That’s one thing that will never be up for debate.
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